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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to discover that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|